Nancy Pelosi has Killed Paul Ryan and Absorbed His Quickening

Nancy Pelosi has Killed Paul Ryan and Absorbed His Quickening

As is the tradition in American politics, the incoming Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi has murdered the outgoing Speaker, Paul Ryan by removing his head. Shortly after, winds stirred and Ryan’s quickening found its way to Pelosi, who absorbed...
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Millions Mourn as Comedian/Actor Louis CK, Age 51, Found Alive

Millions Mourn as Comedian/Actor Louis CK, Age 51, Found Alive

Millions of Americans woke up to hear that chronic public masturbator and former comedian Louis C.K. is still alive and attempting to revive his dead career. The news spread incredibly fast and sent a shockwave through the entertainment community. The...
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Trump Bans the Words “Indictment” and “Russia” from FBI

Trump Bans the Words “Indictment” and “Russia” from FBI

Trump administration officials are forbidding officials at the nation’s top law enforcement agency from using a list of seven words or phrases – including “indictment” and “Russia” – in any official documents, meetings...
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Trump: 2018 U.S.A. Olympic Team to Play for Russia After Ban

Trump: 2018 U.S.A. Olympic Team to Play for Russia After Ban

President Trump has declared the American 2018 Winter Olympic teams will be playing for the Russians after the International Olympic Committee panel announced it has banned Russia from the 2018 Winter Olympics in PyeongChang. The President made the announcemen...
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GOP Dropping Roy Moore for Subway’s Jared Fogle in AL Race

GOP Dropping Roy Moore for Subway’s Jared Fogle in AL Race

After experiencing backlash from supporting accused pedophile Roy Moore for Senate, the Republican National Committee is dropping support for Moore and backing Subway’s Jared Fogle for the Alabama seat. “The RNC has found it’s moral compass,&...
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Steven Colbert Disses Al Franken Over Groping Allegations

Steven Colbert Disses Al Franken Over Groping Allegations

Steven Colbert laid into Al Franken over recent allegations he groped Leeann Tweeden. Tweeden, a model and sports commentator, came out this week and recalled a time when she and Franken were on a USO tour together. Tweeden said that...
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Comey to Testify Trump “Goosed” Him in White House Garden

Comey to Testify Trump “Goosed” Him in White House Garden

Amid speculation into conversations between Donald Trump and former FBI Director James Comey, a new Washington Post article reports a source told them Trump “goosed Comey in the White House Vegetable Garden.” A close friend of Comey went on to...
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Trump Joins ISIS

Trump Joins ISIS

President Trump joined ISIS in attacking London earlier this week when he went after the city’s mayor, Sadiq Khan. In a series of statements released by Trump, he made it clear that he has found a temporary boogeyman for his...
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Thanks to Kathy Griffin, Barron Trump is No Longer Off Limits

Thanks to Kathy Griffin, Barron Trump is No Longer Off Limits

Until now Donald Trump’s 11-year-old son Barron Trump has mostly been treated as off-limits to public scrutiny. By now you likely know the story about Kathy Griffin’s fake bloody Donald Trump head so there’s no need to rehash it. The...
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White House Reveals Donald Trump is a Witch

White House Reveals Donald Trump is a Witch

Amid cries from President Trump that he is the subject of the “greatest witch hunt in American history”, the White House and Tweetie himself today exposed a new fact that changes the perspective of all previous remarks. A New York...
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