Michael Cohen – Satire
During the Hanoi Summit Kim Jong Un, President Trump has declared the testimony of his former lawyer and fixer, Michael Cohen, a national emergency.
“This so-called lawyer violated my client privileges by lying to everyone about my crimes,” Trump said. “He is a rat that isn’t telling the truth.”
When asked how Michael Cohen could be a “rat” if what he is saying isn’t true, the President simply replied, “No collusion.”
Republicans Already Backing Trump on Emergency Declaration
As predicted, Republicans are already coming out in support of Trump’s emergency declaration.
“This is a good move and I’m not just saying that because the Russians have nasty videos of me in a tutu,” Senator Lindsey Graham said.
“I’d bet a whole wrestling team’s virgin asses that Michael Cohen is an ISIS sleeper cell,” Representative Jim Jordan was quoted as saying.
No specific measures have been implemented, but President Trump is considering building a wall around Michael Cohen.
This is not a real news article, but is spot-on satire.